One Step at a Time

Lanie... it takes time... don't be afraid to commit mistakes, to ask, and to let people know you just have so little to offer now. One step at a time. Don't push yourself to show people you're doing good and that you can perform very well. It's alright to fail, as long as you know you did your best. It's just that sometimes it's not yet enough. It's not your fault, it's just how things should be. It takes time... One step at a time... Don't expect people to be just like to you. To feel what you feel, to offer what you can offer, and never expect them to give what you can give. Anyways, you can never give everything other people can give you.. Again, it's no body's fault, but it's just how life is. The most important thing, when it seems you've gone too far and nowhere to go, just go back to the basic. Just trust in the Lord. He is our father who will always want and gives the best for a child. Just remember to take everything one step at a time, and with God in your heart, soul, and mind, someday, you'll surely achieve what you've been longing for...

Isaac's First Smile

Galing... saw my son's first smile... I had Congenital Anomaly test conducted, the doctor tried to see if Isaac's ready for 3D, when the doctor was trying to see Isaac inside my womb, he smiled... Ang cute ni Isaac, I really saw him smiling... Thank God Isaac's doing well ... We also saw him kicking me... kulit ng baby namin... He's really a miracle from God...
Right now, whenever I remember his smile, it makes me smile as well. I can't imagine him so little and young and yet he knows how to smile... I love you anak!!! I just wanna love you forevermore.... I can't wait to see and touch you... we love you so much...

You think so?

Akala mo lang ok ako... pero nde ako ok...
Ayoko na lang magsalita...kasi d ka naman makikinig...
Mag-aaway lang tayo...
Kakasawa na rin makipagusap sa taong nde marunong magpatalo...
Kakapagod lang...
Tanong ko sa sarili ko tama ba to???
Tanong ko sa Dyos tama ba ko???

Sabi sa isang comment "Forgive even when there has been no apology or restitution."
Hirap... But I'll try...
Kaya ko to... Kasama ko naman si God...

Siguro sa ngayon d na muna ko aasa sa iba...
Tulad dati... Asa na lang ako kay God...
Anyways... Siya lang naman talaga ung may gusto ng the best for everyone...
Sa ngayon... Salamat na lang ...
Kasama ko si God... Kasama ko si Isaac...

Di Lang Ikaw

This song has nothing to do with how I feel right now.. It just reminds me of how I felt 5 years ago. Very true ang meaning specially the bridge part. Sana dati pa nagawa tong song na to.. This will tell us that pain are not being felt alone by those people that was left by their loved ones. Sometimes it's harder for those who needed to break somebody's heart coz' for some ...it really aint easy.

Pansin mo ba ang nararamdaman
Di na tayo magkaintindihan
Tila hindi na maibabalik
Tamis ng yakap at halik
Maaring tama ka
Lumalamig ang pagsinta
Sana’y malaman mong ‘di ko sinasadya

Di lang ikaw
Di lang ikaw ang nahihirapan
Damdamin ko rin ay naguguluhan

Di lang ikawDi lang ikaw ang nababahala
Bulong ng isip, ‘wag kang pakawalan
Ngunit puso ko ay kailangan kang iwan

BRIDGE:
Di hahayaang habang buhay kang saktan
Di sasayangin ang iyong panahon
Ikaw ay magiging masaya
Sa yakap at sa piling ng iba

Di lang ikawDi lang ikaw ang nahihirapan
Damdamin ko rin ay naguguluhan
Di lang ikawDi lang ikaw ang nababahala
Bulong ng isip, ‘wag kang pakawalan
Ngunit puso ko ay kailangan kang iwan

Rainbow afer the rain

I am happy now…
Started the day with a request for more sleep
Prayed very well
Talked to Him
Requested for guidance, knowledge and wisdom
Prayed for the person who hurt me to be blessed
Had a good brunch…
Heard of both not so good and good news
Went to the mall to buy some fruit and bread
Saw my ex
Went to the office
And realized that there’s this happiness in me…
God is really always there
Ready to pull you up even if you haven’t asked yet
Thank you
There’s always a rainbow after the rain

Lord I am scared, really scared.. Not for myself but for the people that I love. You know why, please give me the wisdom and the knowledge on things I can do so that I will not feel this way. I am afraid that the mistakes he/she did in the past will now need to be paid. Please guide them, lead them. Please use this situation so that they will go back and long for you. Make everyone loving them prepared of the situation that might come. And if decision needs to be made, guide us. Lord give me peace of mind, most of all give them the realization of your love for them. Make them realize that you’ve been longing for them to come back to you. Please guide us… Let us feel the joy of our salvation. I love you.

Do I have the right?

Do I really have the right to get angry, frustrated and disappointed??? It just so painful that there are people whom you have trusted so much and thought will be there turn out to be non-existence during the time you needed them most.. Real friends are not just needed during happy times.. but most of all they should and will be there in times of pain.. so where are they??? Ano ba naman ung magtext? Mangamusta? Mag-condole? I've realized, mas masakit palang tanggapin na wala mga taong ineexpect mo, or even just to show concern during a funeral kesa sa hindi sila makarating sa sarili mong wedding.. Buti na lang I have my God.. who through thick or through thin will always be there for me.. Thank you God.. Please take away this bitterness I am feeling right now. I love you God.

Ouch

Bakit may mga tao na nagddwel on their feelings of being hurt.. Pero sila sa sarili nila nde nila alam sobra silang nakakasakit?

Complacency

Another close relative of ours died and it was so sudden. We were in Laguna to celebrate my Tita Rosie’s birthday, who just passed away, when we receive a call. My Tsong Peping just died. He is not sick or anything that’s why hearing that news really shocked us. What strike me most was that I didn’t use every opportunity I had to share God’s words to him. I was so complacent. I know I had every chances God can give. Tsong Peping usually goes to our house to fix some things (he’s our local version of McGyver), or just visiting us. With his knowledge and skills in driving and mechanics we would usually go out of town with him. When we needed him we just usually text or call him and he will be there right away. But then, given those situations, there were no words came out from me to tell him how God loves him. This already happened to me, when my father’s brother, tito ver died. My greatest regret then was that I didn’t even share any God’s words to him. I’ve realized that I could have spent some time reading the bible to him. But I was so busy then.. So busy doing nothing, spending time with my so–called friends. I’m so busy thinking how to enjoy my life. How to make memories, which I thought would make my life happy in the future reminiscing it. Now, with Tsong Peping, I really never thought he will die this soon. I’ve been so relaxed believing that I will still have a lot of time. There are a lot of things he did that I don’t like, but wouldn’t that alone be a reason for me to share? I feel so selfish. I am so satisfied with my own salvation that I always neglected my greatest commission. So here I am again having the same old regret. I know I will have all the reasons not to share, or even make up one, but would those reasons be enough for me to withstand their salvation being in vain? I know I don’t have the power to save them, but God gave me the responsibility to share and making them believe is not up to me but up to the Holy Spirit. All I have to do is to talk, share. I’ve been so confident talking and discussing to our youth, who’s mostly Christians after all, why can’t I do this with my loved ones??? May the good Lord teach me and mold me to be His fishers of men. May He not allow me to lose another life without me doing what I am supposed to be doing.

How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise

There is an endless songEchoes in my soul

I hear the music ring

And though the storms may comeI am holding onTo the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I know I am loved by the KingAnd it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyesIn the darkest night

For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with YouKnowing You'll see me through

And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step And fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me upSing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last breath Sing for I know

That I'll sing with the angelsAnd the saints around the throne

Losing Someone

How to lose someone who loves you unconditionally? The first time I felt this was 3 years ago when my bestfriend Nino died. And until now there are still times that I get hurt, felt hopeless. Realized that there are things you can never really stop. No matter how much pushy you are or how much you’re like McGyver who gets his way just to get things done. When it comes to death, it’s something real, it’s something uncontrollable. Something that you need to face and slowly accept that when people died there’s no way for you to see that people again here on earth. No more…not today… not tomorrow... never… no chance… not even a little… no chance of even hearing his/her voice... No chance for you to share even just one more laughter or smile… No chance of arguing... of sharing thoughts... of defending yourself… and hearing them out… No more reminiscing with their past and telling you to learn from it... Most of all no more chance to feel the things they can uniquely do for you… Touching your heart and making you feel you are very special... you are loved… you are cared for even if you don’t listen... even if you don’t agree… even if you can’t hear them out… even if you think your better than them… It’s totally different than getting angry with somebody… committing mistakes today and got the chance to correct it tomorrow. .. Death is definite that means a permanent lost here on earth…

Thank You

To the person who have shown me appreciation... Who's whenever present, sits with the crowd and always gives a big smile to me and telling me I can do It! My most loyal fan and greatest cheerleader... I will miss you tita, Mirasol San Diego Buela ... Your ways are always an assurance that I am loved and cared for , even if I'm at my worst... With all that , how can I not tell you that you will always be my favorite tita... And how can I not miss you so badly... I love you so much.

after 6 months....

I can't believe it!!!! Almost 6 months.. Bakit nga ba? well I just really don't feel like writing after maybe two to three months of Onin's death. Then hanggang sa naging sobrang busy... Kamusta na ba ko after Onin's death? ganun na ba ko kadali nakarecover? Nope there's still times pag naiisip ko siya iiyak na lang ako bigla. Parang ngayon.. I can't fight it.. and i guess i will always be this way. Y not? Hey he's one of the best people i've got. He's one of the person whom I know loved me so much.. But i've got to face it. we all need to face it. Anyway I'm praying that his death was not in vain. I just hope that those people who mourned after his death, keeps a little lesson in their heart.. at least a little knowledge...care..and wisdom of what really life is all about. Of how fast and easy it can be taken away from someone.. and a little awareness of our purpose in life.. why are we here?? Onin wherever you are right now, i would like you to know that your death taught me a very very good lesson in life.. that life is too short.. that we should be doing things that God had designed and planned us to really do.. and it's not having a good paying job, not having a lot of gimmiks, beautiful girlfriend, poging bf... it aint' the reason why we're here.. Sooner or later we will all die.. and when we die, what would really matter? It's how we spread God's words.. it's how many crowns we gonna have because of the people we were able to show God...and life is not about money..it's not about all the material things that we can have here... it's all about HIM...it's all about God.. Onin...I'm gonna live my life like everyday's the last....Sayang Onin you won't be physically around on my wedding day..Nung nagpropose si dennis naiimgaine kita na unang unang magiging masaya for me.. Lolokhin mo ko at tatanungin kung sigurado na ba ko? Oh that funny face of yours.. Ung tawa mo.. the way you would walk and talk to me.. But I know you still are.. I love you bestfriend.. sayang i didn't grab the opportunity to tell you that nung buhay ka pa..kasi baka mamisinterpret mo..hehehe.. but you know that.. you Literally been there for me.. never gave up on me..and never left me... Even if i can't return the love you wish i would, you still never left me.. Loving and staying even if you are hurting.. Mahal namahal po kita and until now I miss you so much.. Thank you for everything... you love me unconditionally..

I’m gonna live my lifeLike every day’s the last
Without a simple good-bye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you’re goneI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes

And see for the first time

I’ve let go of you like A child letting go of his kite

There it goes – up in the sky

There it goes – beyond the clouds

For no reason whyI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

Gonna look back in vain

And see you standing there

When all that remainsIs an empty chair

And now that you’re goneI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

There it goes – up in the sky

There it goes – beyond the clouds

For no reason whyI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

And now that you’re goneI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

Para sayo to Niño Caesar Vidamo

Para sa lahat ng taong nawalan sa Glorietta bombing... Terrorist Attack?? Accident?? Government?? Sino man, ano man someone causes this thing to happen..No matter how I would like to take revenge, ano bang magagawa ko? Isang simpleng tao na may simpleng buhay. Isang tao na kahit nakakasakit minsan nde nangarap na makasakit! At sino nga ba ko sa buhay ni Niño.. isang bestfriend lang .. Ano pa kaya ang mga magulang at anak nyang umaasa sa kanya at iniwan nya.. Pero nde bale.. I know this blog may not impact anyone just like No guns will be enough for this.. No innocent life needs to be involve with this.. No human effort,,, or terrorist attack.. or government tactics will be able to pay ang bring back the lives of the people that died last October 19, 2007.. But one thing is for sure... Someone owes a lot.. Sino man kayo, nde lang kayo ang anak ng Diyos.. Kami din na mga iniwan..nasasaktan..lumuluha.. nahihirapan.. nalulungkot.. nagagalit.. at ang mga taong sinaktan nyo at pinatay nyo anak din ng Diyos !!! at sigurado pag si God na naningil.. lagot kayo !!!! At no matter what you gonna pay for this!!! Pag si God naningil siguradong panalo walang katalo talo!!!

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.

Romans 12:19

My Idea of Heaven

---Moments---

First Time ni Den