ReAlMe

One Step at a Time

2011-04-27T15:27:00.004+08:00

Lanie... it takes time... don't be afraid to commit mistakes, to ask, and to let people know you just have so little to offer now. One step at a time. Don't push yourself to show people you're doing good and that you can perform very well. It's alright to fail, as long as you know you did your best. It's just that sometimes it's not yet enough. It's not your fault, it's just how things should be. It takes time... One step at a time... Don't expect people to be just like to you. To feel what you feel, to offer what you can offer, and never expect them to give what you can give. Anyways, you can never give everything other people can give you.. Again, it's no body's fault, but it's just how life is. The most important thing, when it seems you've gone too far and nowhere to go, just go back to the basic. Just trust in the Lord. He is our father who will always want and gives the best for a child. Just remember to take everything one step at a time, and with God in your heart, soul, and mind, someday, you'll surely achieve what you've been longing for...

Isaac's First Smile

2011-04-25T23:19:00.003+08:00

Galing... saw my son's first smile... I had Congenital Anomaly test conducted, the doctor tried to see if Isaac's ready for 3D, when the doctor was trying to see Isaac inside my womb, he smiled... Ang cute ni Isaac, I really saw him smiling... Thank God Isaac's doing well ... We also saw him kicking me... kulit ng baby namin... He's really a miracle from God...
Right now, whenever I remember his smile, it makes me smile as well. I can't imagine him so little and young and yet he knows how to smile... I love you anak!!! I just wanna love you forevermore.... I can't wait to see and touch you... we love you so much...

You think so?

2011-04-12T13:34:00.004+08:00

Akala mo lang ok ako... pero nde ako ok...
Ayoko na lang magsalita...kasi d ka naman makikinig...
Mag-aaway lang tayo...
Kakasawa na rin makipagusap sa taong nde marunong magpatalo...
Kakapagod lang...
Tanong ko sa sarili ko tama ba to???
Tanong ko sa Dyos tama ba ko???

Sabi sa isang comment "Forgive even when there has been no apology or restitution."
Hirap... But I'll try...
Kaya ko to... Kasama ko naman si God...

Siguro sa ngayon d na muna ko aasa sa iba...
Tulad dati... Asa na lang ako kay God...
Anyways... Siya lang naman talaga ung may gusto ng the best for everyone...
Sa ngayon... Salamat na lang ...
Kasama ko si God... Kasama ko si Isaac...

Di Lang Ikaw

2010-11-15T10:51:00.003+08:00

This song has nothing to do with how I feel right now.. It just reminds me of how I felt 5 years ago. Very true ang meaning specially the bridge part. Sana dati pa nagawa tong song na to.. This will tell us that pain are not being felt alone by those people that was left by their loved ones. Sometimes it's harder for those who needed to break somebody's heart coz' for some ...it really aint easy.

Pansin mo ba ang nararamdaman
Di na tayo magkaintindihan
Tila hindi na maibabalik
Tamis ng yakap at halik
Maaring tama ka
Lumalamig ang pagsinta
Sana’y malaman mong ‘di ko sinasadya

Di lang ikaw
Di lang ikaw ang nahihirapan
Damdamin ko rin ay naguguluhan

Di lang ikawDi lang ikaw ang nababahala
Bulong ng isip, ‘wag kang pakawalan
Ngunit puso ko ay kailangan kang iwan

BRIDGE:
Di hahayaang habang buhay kang saktan
Di sasayangin ang iyong panahon
Ikaw ay magiging masaya
Sa yakap at sa piling ng iba

Di lang ikawDi lang ikaw ang nahihirapan
Damdamin ko rin ay naguguluhan
Di lang ikawDi lang ikaw ang nababahala
Bulong ng isip, ‘wag kang pakawalan
Ngunit puso ko ay kailangan kang iwan

Rainbow afer the rain

2010-10-13T16:38:00.000+08:00

I am happy now…
Started the day with a request for more sleep
Prayed very well
Talked to Him
Requested for guidance, knowledge and wisdom
Prayed for the person who hurt me to be blessed
Had a good brunch…
Heard of both not so good and good news
Went to the mall to buy some fruit and bread
Saw my ex
Went to the office
And realized that there’s this happiness in me…
God is really always there
Ready to pull you up even if you haven’t asked yet
Thank you
There’s always a rainbow after the rain

2010-10-12T21:17:00.001+08:00

Lord I am scared, really scared.. Not for myself but for the people that I love. You know why, please give me the wisdom and the knowledge on things I can do so that I will not feel this way. I am afraid that the mistakes he/she did in the past will now need to be paid. Please guide them, lead them. Please use this situation so that they will go back and long for you. Make everyone loving them prepared of the situation that might come. And if decision needs to be made, guide us. Lord give me peace of mind, most of all give them the realization of your love for them. Make them realize that you’ve been longing for them to come back to you. Please guide us… Let us feel the joy of our salvation. I love you.

Do I have the right?

2010-10-07T18:55:00.003+08:00

Do I really have the right to get angry, frustrated and disappointed??? It just so painful that there are people whom you have trusted so much and thought will be there turn out to be non-existence during the time you needed them most.. Real friends are not just needed during happy times.. but most of all they should and will be there in times of pain.. so where are they??? Ano ba naman ung magtext? Mangamusta? Mag-condole? I've realized, mas masakit palang tanggapin na wala mga taong ineexpect mo, or even just to show concern during a funeral kesa sa hindi sila makarating sa sarili mong wedding.. Buti na lang I have my God.. who through thick or through thin will always be there for me.. Thank you God.. Please take away this bitterness I am feeling right now. I love you God.

Ouch

2010-10-07T18:52:00.001+08:00

Bakit may mga tao na nagddwel on their feelings of being hurt.. Pero sila sa sarili nila nde nila alam sobra silang nakakasakit?

Complacency

2010-10-07T18:51:00.000+08:00

Another close relative of ours died and it was so sudden. We were in Laguna to celebrate my Tita Rosie’s birthday, who just passed away, when we receive a call. My Tsong Peping just died. He is not sick or anything that’s why hearing that news really shocked us. What strike me most was that I didn’t use every opportunity I had to share God’s words to him. I was so complacent. I know I had every chances God can give. Tsong Peping usually goes to our house to fix some things (he’s our local version of McGyver), or just visiting us. With his knowledge and skills in driving and mechanics we would usually go out of town with him. When we needed him we just usually text or call him and he will be there right away. But then, given those situations, there were no words came out from me to tell him how God loves him. This already happened to me, when my father’s brother, tito ver died. My greatest regret then was that I didn’t even share any God’s words to him. I’ve realized that I could have spent some time reading the bible to him. But I was so busy then.. So busy doing nothing, spending time with my so–called friends. I’m so busy thinking how to enjoy my life. How to make memories, which I thought would make my life happy in the future reminiscing it. Now, with Tsong Peping, I really never thought he will die this soon. I’ve been so relaxed believing that I will still have a lot of time. There are a lot of things he did that I don’t like, but wouldn’t that alone be a reason for me to share? I feel so selfish. I am so satisfied with my own salvation that I always neglected my greatest commission. So here I am again having the same old regret. I know I will have all the reasons not to share, or even make up one, but would those reasons be enough for me to withstand their salvation being in vain? I know I don’t have the power to save them, but God gave me the responsibility to share and making them believe is not up to me but up to the Holy Spirit. All I have to do is to talk, share. I’ve been so confident talking and discussing to our youth, who’s mostly Christians after all, why can’t I do this with my loved ones??? May the good Lord teach me and mold me to be His fishers of men. May He not allow me to lose another life without me doing what I am supposed to be doing.

How Can I Keep From Singing Your Praise

2010-09-25T06:43:00.002+08:00

There is an endless songEchoes in my soul

I hear the music ring

And though the storms may comeI am holding onTo the rock I cling

How can I keep from singing Your praise

How can I ever say enough

How amazing is Your love

How can I keep from shouting Your name

I know I am loved by the KingAnd it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyesIn the darkest night

For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with YouKnowing You'll see me through

And sing the songs You give

I can sing in the troubled times Sing when I win

I can sing when I lose my step And fall down again

I can sing 'cause You pick me upSing 'cause You're there

I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord When I call to You in prayer

I can sing with my last breath Sing for I know

That I'll sing with the angelsAnd the saints around the throne

Losing Someone

2010-09-25T00:02:00.001+08:00

How to lose someone who loves you unconditionally? The first time I felt this was 3 years ago when my bestfriend Nino died. And until now there are still times that I get hurt, felt hopeless. Realized that there are things you can never really stop. No matter how much pushy you are or how much you’re like McGyver who gets his way just to get things done. When it comes to death, it’s something real, it’s something uncontrollable. Something that you need to face and slowly accept that when people died there’s no way for you to see that people again here on earth. No more…not today… not tomorrow... never… no chance… not even a little… no chance of even hearing his/her voice... No chance for you to share even just one more laughter or smile… No chance of arguing... of sharing thoughts... of defending yourself… and hearing them out… No more reminiscing with their past and telling you to learn from it... Most of all no more chance to feel the things they can uniquely do for you… Touching your heart and making you feel you are very special... you are loved… you are cared for even if you don’t listen... even if you don’t agree… even if you can’t hear them out… even if you think your better than them… It’s totally different than getting angry with somebody… committing mistakes today and got the chance to correct it tomorrow. .. Death is definite that means a permanent lost here on earth…

Thank You

2010-09-24T04:12:00.002+08:00

To the person who have shown me appreciation... Who's whenever present, sits with the crowd and always gives a big smile to me and telling me I can do It! My most loyal fan and greatest cheerleader... I will miss you tita, Mirasol San Diego Buela ... Your ways are always an assurance that I am loved and cared for , even if I'm at my worst... With all that , how can I not tell you that you will always be my favorite tita... And how can I not miss you so badly... I love you so much.

after 6 months....

2008-04-19T00:29:00.007+08:00

I can't believe it!!!! Almost 6 months.. Bakit nga ba? well I just really don't feel like writing after maybe two to three months of Onin's death. Then hanggang sa naging sobrang busy... Kamusta na ba ko after Onin's death? ganun na ba ko kadali nakarecover? Nope there's still times pag naiisip ko siya iiyak na lang ako bigla. Parang ngayon.. I can't fight it.. and i guess i will always be this way. Y not? Hey he's one of the best people i've got. He's one of the person whom I know loved me so much.. But i've got to face it. we all need to face it. Anyway I'm praying that his death was not in vain. I just hope that those people who mourned after his death, keeps a little lesson in their heart.. at least a little knowledge...care..and wisdom of what really life is all about. Of how fast and easy it can be taken away from someone.. and a little awareness of our purpose in life.. why are we here?? Onin wherever you are right now, i would like you to know that your death taught me a very very good lesson in life.. that life is too short.. that we should be doing things that God had designed and planned us to really do.. and it's not having a good paying job, not having a lot of gimmiks, beautiful girlfriend, poging bf... it aint' the reason why we're here.. Sooner or later we will all die.. and when we die, what would really matter? It's how we spread God's words.. it's how many crowns we gonna have because of the people we were able to show God...and life is not about money..it's not about all the material things that we can have here... it's all about HIM...it's all about God.. Onin...I'm gonna live my life like everyday's the last....Sayang Onin you won't be physically around on my wedding day..Nung nagpropose si dennis naiimgaine kita na unang unang magiging masaya for me.. Lolokhin mo ko at tatanungin kung sigurado na ba ko? Oh that funny face of yours.. Ung tawa mo.. the way you would walk and talk to me.. But I know you still are.. I love you bestfriend.. sayang i didn't grab the opportunity to tell you that nung buhay ka pa..kasi baka mamisinterpret mo..hehehe.. but you know that.. you Literally been there for me.. never gave up on me..and never left me... Even if i can't return the love you wish i would, you still never left me.. Loving and staying even if you are hurting.. Mahal namahal po kita and until now I miss you so much.. Thank you for everything... you love me unconditionally..

I’m gonna live my lifeLike every day’s the last
Without a simple good-bye
It all goes by so fast

And now that you’re goneI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes

And see for the first time

I’ve let go of you like A child letting go of his kite

There it goes – up in the sky

There it goes – beyond the clouds

For no reason whyI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

Gonna look back in vain

And see you standing there

When all that remainsIs an empty chair

And now that you’re goneI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

There it goes – up in the sky

There it goes – beyond the clouds

For no reason whyI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

And now that you’re goneI can’t cry hard enough

No I can’t cry hard enough

For you to hear me now

Para sayo to Niño Caesar Vidamo

2007-10-22T13:27:00.000+08:00

Para sa lahat ng taong nawalan sa Glorietta bombing... Terrorist Attack?? Accident?? Government?? Sino man, ano man someone causes this thing to happen..No matter how I would like to take revenge, ano bang magagawa ko? Isang simpleng tao na may simpleng buhay. Isang tao na kahit nakakasakit minsan nde nangarap na makasakit! At sino nga ba ko sa buhay ni Niño.. isang bestfriend lang .. Ano pa kaya ang mga magulang at anak nyang umaasa sa kanya at iniwan nya.. Pero nde bale.. I know this blog may not impact anyone just like No guns will be enough for this.. No innocent life needs to be involve with this.. No human effort,,, or terrorist attack.. or government tactics will be able to pay ang bring back the lives of the people that died last October 19, 2007.. But one thing is for sure... Someone owes a lot.. Sino man kayo, nde lang kayo ang anak ng Diyos.. Kami din na mga iniwan..nasasaktan..lumuluha.. nahihirapan.. nalulungkot.. nagagalit.. at ang mga taong sinaktan nyo at pinatay nyo anak din ng Diyos !!! at sigurado pag si God na naningil.. lagot kayo !!!! At no matter what you gonna pay for this!!! Pag si God naningil siguradong panalo walang katalo talo!!!

Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord.

Romans 12:19

2007-10-13T07:13:00.001+08:00

2007-10-13T07:08:00.000+08:00

2007-10-05T15:59:00.000+08:00

My Idea of Heaven

2007-08-29T13:27:00.001+08:00

---Moments---

2007-08-27T17:51:00.000+08:00

First Time ni Den

2007-08-27T17:40:00.001+08:00

My bestfriends Queng and Mitch

2007-08-27T17:24:00.001+08:00

May 8, 2006

2007-08-23T06:01:00.000+08:00

There are things can't
be answered...
Realities that can't
be understood...
Pains that can't
be bared...
Wants that can't
be received...
If those things can't
be done...
How can one be
happy???
TRUST in the LORD

2007-08-23T02:12:00.000+08:00

It's been quite a while since I last posted something here.. I've been so very busy these past few weeks... or months.. Kamusta na nga ba ko? Well, aside from being busy sa work, busy na rin sa church.. It's just one thing that I will never feel guilty of doing.. Ang masaya, kasama ko na si Den. Though' it's not as smooth as I prayed it would be pero ganun talaga..
One step at a time.. A lot of things had happened.. some were good.. some were not so good. Ano nga ba mga unusual things? First.. na carnap yung van ni Ate Arlyn sa tapat ng bahay namin... Sayang, kakalungkot.. Mga two weeks din bago namin natanggap na wala na talaga. Ano pa ba? My bestfriend Donie will be leaving soon for Singapore... How sad.. I know "presence" wise nothing would change much. Kasi naman kahit nandito siya sa Pinas' mga 2x or 3x in a year lang kami magkita. Pero iba.. sobra.. Iba pag bestfriend mo, kahit siguro 10 years kayong d magkita, once na magkita kayo parang nung isang araw lang kayo last na nagkasama. Pero I will surely miss Donie a lot. I pray that this will be a new beginning for him.. Something or somewhere to start all over again.. Pero this time, start all over again with God.
Then si Den nagkasakit.. I mean until now may sakit pa rin. Pero siempre we are claiming that it's nothing so serious.. Pero worried ako talaga before.. Nde alam ni Den na d talaga ko mapakali nung Sunday until Wednesday.. I was saddened by the realization that the possibility of losing someone you love is not avoidable. And plus the fact that he was always the one who's taking care of me. Sabi nga ni France, iba pag lalake ang may sakit.. malambing pero mahirap.. It's hard to see someone you lean on will need to lean on you. Scary??? yep.. pero siempre we just need to learn and trust God... Trust that His ways are always better than our ways...
Balik tayo sa church.. last Sunday was one of my best song leading ever.. la lang.. i just felt that God and His holy spirit worked in our congregation.. Sana laging ganun...

this is it...

2007-07-04T00:59:00.000+08:00

... LoVeLy DaY ...

2007-06-23T04:23:00.000+08:00

When I wake up in the morning, love

And the sunlight hurts my eyes

And something without warning,

love Bears heavy on my mind

Then I look at you And the world's alright with me

Just one look at you And I know it's gonna be A lovely day ...

lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...

When the day that lies ahead of me

Seems impossible to face

When someone else instead of me

Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you

And the world's alright with me

Just one look at you

And I know it's gonna be A lovely day.....

When the day that lies ahead of me

Seems impossible to face

When someone else instead of me

Always seems to know the way

Then I look at you

And the world's alright with me

Just one look at you And I know it's gonna be A lovely day...

...la lang....

2007-06-22T21:48:00.000+08:00

Please don’t come near me yet and say sorry
Don’t embrace and say I love you
I might just break down and say I love you too

See it’s not what I wanted to happen
The words you said and the things you did
Have just wounded me and still does…

Just give time for my heart to heal
Don’t wanna’ suppress this anymore
I’m wounded.. I’m broken.. I’m in pain

No more... For now...

2007-06-19T01:46:00.000+08:00

I am now promising myself not to believe in fairy tales yet...
No more wishing on the falling star for now...
I just wanna sit back and relax like before...
And wait till' God give me what is destined to be mine....

... enchanted... in loved.. mesmerized...

2007-06-08T22:20:00.000+08:00

LeFt BeHiNd

2007-06-01T07:48:00.000+08:00

Last night Dennis and I had an argument... as always... e kasi naman ang aga aga nyang umalis sa bahay tapos ang tagal dumating dito sa office.. pero d naman yun lang.. sabi nya sakin sa phone sabi daw ni Arnel morning shift ako.. e kasi siempre nalungkot luvs kasi nga nagpa mid-shift siya para may kasabay ako dahil supposedly mid-shift ako.. Well, dahil sa inis nya may nasabi siyang d naman totoo, which is yun yung kinainisan ko.. We're not ok hanggang kaninang umaga.. Tapos pagdating ko, tinawag nya ko.. Pag lapit ko sabi nya nabili ko na yung book na gusto mo.. Sobrang na excite ako.. It's a Left Behind Book, "Taken" though medyo mali kasi pang kids yun pero sobrang gusto ko.. Yun pala kaya siya natagalan makarating dito sa office kasi binili pa nya ko ng book... Sobrang sorry tuloy ako.. Haay.. sobrang saya ko.. My happiness with Dennis is really more on emotions.. I don't know if you'll understand.. I mean, nde ba kasama yung isip.. I'm happy because I am happy and not because my mind tells me that I should be happy.. Si Dennis alam nya kung pano ko pasasayahin,, and the happiness and joy I have it's genuine.. Pinadadali niya yung buhay ko.. Naalala ko tuloy nung na hospitalized ako.. He really made things easier for me and for my family.. Kung wala siya alam ko it really won't be easy for me.. Binawasan nya yung mga worries ko.. financially, emotionaly, physically, spritually.. And I love him so much for those.. I really thank God that I found you... God loves me so much that he allowed me to be loved by you.. Luvs this song is for you,,, not because my mind tells me that I should dedicate this for you.. but because this is how I really feel... Thanks sa book.. thanks sa love.. thanks sa pagpapasensya.. and maraming salamat for changing to someone better.. iloveyou so much..

I had to add this.. may kasama nga palang 2 letters yun.. yung isa card.. and yung isa letter na parang card na print nya lang tapos nilagyan nya ng colors.. ang sweet.. then sabi nya series din daw yun ng birthday gift nya sakin.. Luvs kaw lang you are a precious gift from above..

You are the one who makes me happy

When everything else turns to grey

Yours is the voice that wakes me mornings

And sends me out into the day

You are the crowd that sits quiet

Listening to meTo all the mad sense I make

You are one of the few things worth remembering

And if it's all trueHow can anyone mean more to meThan you

Sorry if sometimes I look past you

There's no one beyond your eyes

Inside my head the wheels are turning

Hey, sometimes I'm not so wise

You are heart (you are my heart, you're my, my inspiration)

Just like the old love song goes (just like a love song)

You are one of the few things worth remembering

And if it's all trueHow can anyone mean more to meThan you

2007-05-31T11:39:00.000+08:00

Den, Lan, Don

Kulit... I miss yah donie.. my ever critic best friend..

Seriousness ito..

B e s t D o n i e . . . f u n n y f a c e s ! ! !

Two of the most important boyz in my life...

Best Donie..

I love you from the bottom of my heart..

No matter who you are or what you are...

I will stay as long as God allows me to..

No funny stories will ever turn me off on you...

No mistakes will ever make me give up on you...

Thanks for being there... as always..

Stay strong.. Do good and do right...

Rightful things aren't the easiest thing to do

But it's surely the best thing... with best result..

mwuah...

05/30/2007

2007-05-30T13:32:00.000+08:00

Kung pagibig ay makamtan
Wag’ kalimutan pinanggalingan
Wag kang umasang d masasaktan
Pagkat buhay ay hindi ganyan

Tumayo ka lang at lumaban
Kung pagmmahala’y walang kinahantungan
Ang importante ika’y may natutunan
At magmahal muli kung kailangan

tRiViA

2007-05-30T07:25:00.000+08:00

... Dennis and I don't know each other not until we met at our NJO. He's previous work was with Bayantel and mine was Mapua... so how did our relationship started??? See below some truths and trivia regarding it.. Coincidence??? Nah.. I don't think so.. It's how love moves... hehehehe

1. Hired Date. October 10, 2005 is what our supposed starting date here at Accenture, it's actually written on my contract already. But separately we both decided to have our starting date moved into October 24, 2005. Nice start huh...

2. NJO. We're about more than 50 starters who attended it.. On the second day we were grouped into 5 teams which corresponds to the Accenture Core Values. Well... guess what?? dennis and I were in the same group. The core value assigned to us was Best People.. And what was so funny was our role play.. Ang role namin??? mag bf... hehehehe... the last scene was that I called him on the phone, and when he answered the phone he called me Honey ( endearment namin ng ex ko... hehehe ).. then nung baba na namin yung phone he said I love you.. hala.. nakakainis kaya yun.. hiyawan tuloy yung buong class.. kainis!!!
Meron pa pala... nung first day yung human bingo.. ang kulit ko.. gusto kong manalo so papirma ko ng papirma sa kung kanikanino.. without me really memorizing their names.. Tapos 2nd ako sa natapos nung tinawag na ko, iniisa isa ko yung mga names.. tapos meron dun "Someone Who Smokes" tapos dko naintindihan yung name kasi signature lang.. ang naintindihan ko lang Roy!!! So akala namin yung isang Roy sa class.. e yung Roy na yun twice na pumirma..kaya yun disqualified ako.. Then nung kami na tska ko narealize si Den pala yun.. Dennis ROY..

3. Bench. Not so unusual.. pero magkasama kami sa bench.. Netcentric.. Dun kami nag-start magpapansin sa isa't isa.. pag may juice na ang gagawin nya kukuha nya ko unang una ng juice.. para d ako makahalata ( akala nya ) ikukuha nya ng juice yung buong batch namin.. tsk..tsk..tsk... too good to be true.... hehehe...

4. Java Training. Sobrang naging close kami. We texted each other. But still we're on the stage of really not expecting na maging kami. And I'm sure we're both praying for God's will. Then first day ng Java training namin sa GT, as usual late ako. While on my way to the floor iniisip ko kung magkatabi kami. Well I am praying. Then pag dating ko naka save na upuan ko sa tabi nya. I was supposed to sit beside sa isa naming ka batch, siempre pa cute pa ko. Tapos tinawag nya ko, sabi nya tabi daw kami,,,uy! sweety sweety... Then nung nagstart na sabi nung prof namin igrougroup daw nya kami into 4.. Kainis!! Pero lam nyo ba... magka group pa rin kami... Galing no! And that's how and when we started to really get close.. Daming nangyaring puro painful and masasaya at the same time. Imagine one month na lagi kaming magkatabi.. and that would be 8 hours a day... Masaya kasi yun yung umpisa namin.. Pero painful kasi while we're getting closer dumadami ng dumadami ang nasasaktan naming tao.. Which we will never be proud of....

5. Bench after JDS. Because of so many things, like people na nasasaktan SOBRANG hirap!! Mahirap maging happy pag alam mong may masasaktan. Everything was so uncertain.. Kelan magiging kami... kelan talagang matatapos ang lahat...Kelan nila matatanggap??? Daming pagkakataon na naggoodbye ako sa kanya.. pero nde sya pumayag.. he FOUGHT for me.. for us.. one thing that I really love about him. Then as usual, I prayed to God silently na kung talagang magiging kami iaalow ni God na magkasama kami sa isang project. Then there was this instance wherein pumayag siyang maglet go. Pagkasend nya sakin nung email nya na nagleletgo na siya, bigla na lang may dumating na email. Galing sa manager namin sa bench.. Ang nakalagay, ipapadala kami for a one month training for Ariba. Siempre ang ginawa ko hinanap ko agad name nya... and it was there!!! Galing!!! Sobra!!!

6. Ariba Training. Magulo pa rin... mahirap... waaahhh.. yoko ng balikan kasi ayoko na ulit maramdaman lahat ng naramdaman ko nun.. Everything are turning out differently from what we planned it would be.. Akala ko magiging maayos buhay dito sa Accenture... nde pala... Very Very Very complicated!!

7. Bench after Ariba Training. Sad ang story.. kasi we ended up on different projects. Siempre medyo gumulo kasi magkaiba kami ng project.. Na parang oops.. teka lang we were in the same training but not the same project..

8. Rolled-in. After ko ma roll in sa project.. hehe.. magulo pa rin.. dami pa ring mga bagay bagay na sobrang nagtest sa amin and sa akin... After being rolled in madami kong na experience na never ko naimagine na mangyayari sa kin.. and it's WORST! But then, one of the best thing happened.. I was on leave and then nagtext sakin si Monay sabi nya magexpand yung project namin and they will be getting people from other project.. Then....... nalipat si Dennis dito sa project namin!!!! Ang saya... Galing ni God...

... So there, if this is not God's will then dko na alam kung ano to'.. Our story is not the usual thing... But I know that those things are God's will... To whatever purporse it may bring.. I will thank God for He's my everything... Bahala si God.. Madami kaming nasaktan in the process,, and that's one thing we will never do again.. Madami kaming natutunan.. And one biggest lesson learned.. We could have waited for the right time.. We sort of rushed things before.. And we know kung nagantay lang kami ng tamang panahon we would still be together... We know that those 8 instances would still happen.. then tsaka namin marerealize na talagang meant to be kami.. Pero ganun talaga... and we intend to let other people learn from our mistake.. Life and love will be more beautiful if it's on the right time.. No rushing of things.. God's timing is always the perfect one...

5/25/2007

2007-05-25T20:41:00.000+08:00

Here we go again, hurting each other for no reason
wondering why we keep committing the same mistakes.
Sometimes I'm feeling that it's more than just illusion
Tell me why we keep pretending
Are we so scared of give and take?

Why do we always hurt the ones we love?
Just when it seems we've finally made it through
Why can't we fly between the eagle and the dove?
Why do we always hurt the ones we love?

When you cry, the tears were falling like raindrops
From my eyes...why do we do hurt each other?
Tell me why we shouldn't try, are there some things we did'nt share?
Why do I see you walking out right w/ me,
I see you standing here?

...Tell me why do we hurt the ones we love?
(Why?) when we've finally made it through
why can't we fly between the eagle and the dove?
Why do we always hurt the ones we love

It's really nice to have a blog...

Posted May 24, 2007

2007-05-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

At our wedding I'm planning to have everything unique.. I want to create our own marching song.. This one is a good start... I pray that God will give me more knowledge and creativeness on how I will be able to express what's inside our heart.. on what we will surely feel on that day... on how we fought for this relationship.. and how God helped us made it through the rain...

As you wait there in the altar
With me about to walk the aisle
I'm sure tears will not stop falling
For this once was just an unreachable dream

Going back to the places we've been
The almost never ending goodbyes
In Pains and hardships we gain strength
I know and see you from here
Your happiness and joy my heart can feel

Don't be so nervous your heartbeat I feel
Just smile ....

waaah.. malabo pa. wala pang patutunguhan.. pero I wanted every piece of this posted.. I want you to see how this will be finalized.. God bless me on this...

11/23/2004

2007-05-24T21:29:00.000+08:00

This poem has nothing to do with how I feel at this very moment. But I admit this how I feel some time...

God I am so down
I've been rejected countless time
And it is so painful
For those times I still fought
Tried so hard to stand again
Telling myself that You know better
That better things will come my way

But God please show me Your will
Before pain starts to kill me
And self pity destroys me
I'm losing hope and confidence
And I don't wanna lose faith in You
Give me signs...I'm losing grip...
Help me understand and believe...

BUT I WILL STILL HOLD ON! IN YOU I LAY MY LIFE ... IN YOU I WILL SOAR MY WINGS LIKE EAGLES...

Me AnD My LuVs

2007-05-16T04:16:00.000+08:00

BeNcH..aFtEr BoOtCaMp...

HoUsE PaRtY!

rOn & mArLyN's WeDdIng

June 18, 2006...Veteran's Hospital.. First time that Den met my mom...

who'd have thought this is how the pieces fit,

you and i shoudn't even try making sense of it,

i forgot how we ever came this far,

i believe we have reasons but i dont know where they are,

so blame it on my heart... oohhh...

CHORUS:love moves in mysterious ways,

it's always so surprising how love appears over the horizon,

i love you, for the rest of may days

but still its a mystery of how you ever came to me,

which only proves,

love moves..... in mysterious ways....

heaven knows love is just a chance we take,

we make plans but then love demands a leap of faith,

so hold me close never ever let me go,

coz' eventhough we think we know, which way the river flows,

that's not the way love goes. ohhhhh....

France and Joseph's Wedding

2007-05-15T05:52:00.000+08:00

Girls in action...

Me, Mona and Cloudy... the beautiful girls of Helpdesk.. la si mama France...

The bride and the gurls...

Si France lang nakatingin sa camera... Parang princess..

Oizt.. laro lang yan.. wlang personalan.. Si cloudy susuntukin na si Monay... bwahahaha... all for the sake of winning....

Wondering...thinking...praying...hoping...

2007-05-14T05:36:00.000+08:00

I don't know if this will already post the correct time. It's 6:34 AM, Monday, May 14, 2007. It's a holiday today (election day), but of course no holidays for us for we're supporting the US working days.. I'm wondering if this one is going to be a double pay already. I just remember our holy week, which of course is not a holiday for us. It was promised that it's gonna be a double pay.. But as usual, until now we're still waiting and dreaming of having what we're supporsed to be enjoying now..Sometimes you feel so betrayed when it seems that you're begging for something that is rightfully yours. When will this ever change?

Why am I up so early?? I woke up at past 5 AM today, got my cellphone and hoping that Dennis sent me some sweet message.. And yes! he did.. He told me that he misses me so much that he wanna embrace me.. Me too!!! Why? Becuase he's here yesterday. Me and my family and him and Ate Arlene were trained by my papa about Insurance. Of course, we're not allowed to be sweety sweety...not even to just hug and say I love you... haay... And we're not used to that.. We are just used to be together alone..But of course we're so happy and blessed that despite the fact that we need to be somehow strangers, at least he's with us (with the whole family!)..For those who already knew our story can understand what I'm trying to say...So let's go back to what happened when I woke up. I went down to pee.. Got back in bed.. and then remember what Dennis has just texted me.. I texted him back and told him how much I misses him.. and how much I'm praying that God will allow us to get married. Yes! I wanted to marry him.. I wanted to have a family with him.. In my entire life I was never this so sure about marrying somebody...And how I pray that Dennis is the one God had prepared for me.. I love him so much.. I love everything about him... What funny is, I love the things I hate about him. Why? because that what makes him him...So what's stopping us? Personally? I want him to have a better relationship with my family first... I want my family to see and realize how blessed I am to have him... Then, wla pa kaming pera!! WAAAAAA!!! Because of that my imagination played again.. I remember that we wanted to have our own business.. And I'm thinking of a business now, but not so sure if we will be able to have it in reality... Unang una.. wala kaming enough money for that.. Naubos pera namin nung na operahan ako...and sad to say wala kaming na reimbursement sa Maxicare!!So going back ayun.. Kakatakot din at the same time kasi baka naman yung konting naipon namin e mawala pa since d pa ko sanay magbusiness.. So as usual, I prayed to God, I know if it's for us bibigay na lang Nya yun without us realizing we already have it.. So after magisip, magpray, magwish, I've decided to just open my friendster and my blog.. Sa friendster, I've sent my cousin Arcie a message. He sent me one and I just decided to reply. So anong meron dun? Preaching ko sa kanya...hahahaha... Well I missed that boy so much... and of course I miss his kuya as well.. Ang bilis ng panahon dati yung kuya nun si Ching kasabay ko pumapasok. I was in 1st year and si ching nasa grade 1.. At ang baon ni Ching 5 pesos ata!!! Hahahaha... ang kuripot talaga ni mama.. But now, they're both grown up and need to face the reality of life.. And I know it will be harder for them because they're both in the States now... and parang alone kasi my cousin (Ate Juvy), we're they are currently living now is too busy with her work and family... But I believe that Arcie's knowledge, and experiencing living and having God in His life will bring him and Ching into a world full of joy and love in the Lord.. Which will bring them a better life.. To kuya Ching and Arcie...keep the faith!!!!Christ RULES!!!! And make him rule in your life.. Mwuah... Friendster time....

new poem

2007-05-10T05:01:00.000+08:00

This just came to my mind... not done yet...

For whatever purpose this life may bring...
I will thank God for He's my everything...

5/15/2007 9:09 pm

The sun above may not keep on shining...
Or the rain will not find rest in pouring...
I will thank God for He's my everything...
For whatever purpose this life may bring...

Goodbye Kisses... Goodbye Hershey

2007-05-10T03:51:00.000+08:00

Last May 3, 2007 my dog, Milky gave birth to two puppies.. I was so excited and named them Hershey and Kisses.. My uncle told me that there's a possiblity that they are premature... After a day or maybe two, Hershey died.. then just last night Kisses died too.. After so many attempts of saving Kisses, which includes feeding on a baby bottle, giving a good place to sleep.. well my pup didn't make it.. I'm sadden by the reality that there are things though' how much you wanted it will never be yours.. what important is that you know how to accept things.. this reminds me of my father's favorite quote.. which is something like this... "God gave me the serenity to change the things I can... To accept the things I can't change.. And the knowledge to know the difference.." it goes with accepting things that we really can't have.. and Hershey and Kisses will be something I just used to have..
I will always be happy that God blessed me to have this understanding to accept and lay down everything to Him.. I'm not the type of person who insist (which most of the time the cause of my argument with Dennis).. I always wanted to make it a point to let things happen.. But that doesn't mean that I won't do anything about it.. What I usually do is give my best shot and if in any case I won't still have it I won't have any regrets.. I will just let Him direct my path.. I know God opens the window when He closes the door...
Some good things never last cause it's always the best things that last...Only if you have faith in God...

Inspired...

2007-05-09T04:14:00.000+08:00

Just read one of Bo Sanchez' book.. entitled You Have the Power to Create.. though' I haven't finished it yet.. well very very far from finishing it, I got inspired.. Where? With this quote he got there... You have the power to become happy or miserable.. You have the power to become success or failure.. you have the power to become a loving person or a selfish person.. The choice is in your hands.. and of course.. there was an instance wherein she met a very bored girl.. and she was bored because her cellphone battery already got discharged.. then he asked the girl to write up 100 things she wanted to achieve.. then I remember I used to have so many things in mind I wanted to do eversince I was a kid.. And now I wanted to share it.. Just hoping I would be able to finish this before 6 AM...

I wanted to...

get married with my Dennis... I wanted to have kids.
to write.. I loved writing.. I loved poems...I loved poetry.
go to Boracay.
have my own business.. I don't wanna be employed anymore...
have all our debts paid...
dance..
sing..
learn sky diving..
play badminton..
learn musical instruments..
act...
enroll to a music school..
enroll to dance school...
eat...eat...eat...
play...
enjoy life...
to learn bungee jumping...
learn how to drive using manual cars...
go abroad..
earn a lot...
help my family
help my church
to serve God with Dennis and my family...
be in good terms with my ex
Dennis to be in good terms with his ex...
have a very very nice, unique wedding...
have my own house..
learn scuba diving...
have mickey mouse items
have my own cabinet for my stuff toys
take care of kisses.. my puppy... she's premature.. and i wanted her to live...
go back to my ministry..
serve God..
serve God..
serve God...
play table tennis...
learn more how to swim...
learn karate...
have our Church Christmas party on an orphanage..

....... i think i will need to continue this coz I wanted to share some pix...

First time..

2007-05-05T05:54:00.001+08:00

The title do really sounds funny.. well.. obviously this will be my very first blog. Tried it before but really got tired of doing or updating it.. But now, after viewing an officemates' blog (Ryan's) I told myself that I wanted to also have one.. Why? simply because I miss writing.. I miss doing poems.. essays.. and I believe no one really knows it except for those who are very close to me.. And also Ryan inspires me a lot ( without him knowing it ).. We have something in common.. and that will be our ministry in God.. Oh for how long have I've been missin' those things.. and how long should I keep on missing it??? If only I could make things easier now.. If there would be one thing I would like to do now.. that would be serving God with Dennis and my family... Going out with our Youth.. playing games... having fun.. sharing stories..sharing difficulties.. I miss the days wherein I can speak boldy to them.. I miss the days wherein they will call me "Ate Lan,,, may problem ako.." Right now all I can hear is them asking "Ate Lan may time ka?".. Or"Ate lan.. san si kuya...?" I miss dancing.. I really do miss it a lot... So much.. that it breaks my heart remembering those "Apo Diyos" days.. those "Sa Yahweh.."... I miss the youth so much... I miss my mommy... how I pray that God will settle everything between us.. I just pray as well that God will make way for me to love her with dennis... How hard is it to love someone and break someone's heart... I know someday God will answer everything.. all the uncertainties that I have now...
By the way what pushed me now to do this.. it's my ever pogi brother in law..Kuya B... I was very inspired when I saw his blog.. http://bbroda.blogspot.com... ang cucute ng pamangkins ko..and of course my ever pretty-sharon look a-like sistah.. who's ever kind and loving.. I now found a place where in I can tell what I feel.. what's inside me...For it's very seldom for me to share it...
Today's francia's wedding.. Walang tulugan!!!! Oks lang I'm so excited for her.. I know she's been waiting for this for quite a long time now.. i'm so happy attending her wedding even if means not being able to attend the Ariba Summer outing...See you guys..